TRULY SPIRITUAL SEX THAT PROVIDES THE ULTIMATE CONNECTION GOES WAY BEYOND “HAVING SEX” AND “MAKING LOVE”.
Over the years, I have worked with couples who eventually find themselves at a sexual crossroads. Their wants and needs seemingly have become incompatible with those of their partner. For some, this scenario existed from day one, yet they felt it would work itself out over time based on the strong connection they shared in other areas of their lives. Others after years of fighting, and creating a growing pool of anger and resentment, began to withhold from each other as a form of punishment. Still, others reached a certain age where chemical deficiencies in their bodies impacted drive and desire.
The key here is to know that in all of the above options there is hope to revitalizing and restoring a sexual connection, even creating one like never before. The only criteria: Both partners have to be willing, really energized, to generate some heat in this area of their lives.
The solution is nothing new. In fact, it dates back to ancient Egypt, back to the times of Alexander the Great and even Jesus Christ himself. Spiritual sex is the ability to enhance connection in ways the missionary position could only imagine!
The spirituality of enhanced connection
For years we listened to stories of the mysterious G-spot and the search for the ultimate female orgasm. It became the brunt of jokes on TV and filled the airwaves of radio talk shows around the country. Sex therapists and sex enthusiasts praised its impact on its ability to empower women in the bedroom and to elevate any man’s sexual prowess should he be able to search for and find the Holy Grail. Naturally, those unable to locate the source of the power were destined to a lifetime of average sex. Talk about messing with people’s heads.
In many cases spiritual sex takes orgasm out of the equation, and in other forms it acknowledges orgasm as something that occurs after the fact, to cement the connection between two people once they have gained that missing spiritual element.
Spiritual sex is about the joining of two people on the mind, body and spirit levels, combining rhythmic movement, breath, touch and eye-to-eye contact/connection. It also supports and encourages communication of feelings, wants and needs. Essential in all communication is that these expressions are generated from within, not demands placed on your partner. Getting in touch with your own wants and needs and expressing them is a great opportunity to deepen your connection. Conversely, being a grounded and engaged listener creates that same ability and safety for your partner. At the same time, remembering that less is more when it comes to talking is a great approach. The key here is about that deeper connection discovered through your senses, not your words.
Many old wounds from early sexual encounters and even childhood can be healed through this process, allowing you to manifest the type of spiritual and sexual connection that is authentic to you. Letting go of any guilt or shame you have around sex, and ultimately intimacy, allows you to broaden your horizon about sex so that the measure of any encounter is not based on performance or orgasm.
Spiritual sex: Keeping your eyes open
For many the first time out of the gate is awkward, and that is really OK. The notion of entwining your bodies together in a way that doesn’t culminate in penetration is not what most of us are used to. Spiritual sex promotes affection, not stimulation. Gazing deeply into each other’s eyes is a dynamic way to encourage this type of connection and is not something many people participate in when having sexual relations. Keeping your eyes closed is often the way that many get lost in the experience, and in this scenario, the goal is to be found and ultimately discovered by your partner.
Many describe the experience as a releasing of the ego as your needs and self-satisfaction are shelved while you focus on each other. This creates the kind of unity and partnership that is the stuff of truly successful and nurturing relationships.
One couple was concerned that I might ultimately be suggesting this as a replacement to their sex life. Not so. Spiritual sex can help you to build a bridge back to the kind of sexual connection you both want and to create and deepen the experience like never before. My goal is for couples to allow the two options to coexist side by side and decide together when one or the other is most needed. The key in any decision you make is to make the decision together and have fun doing so. This is your life, your relationship, and it is imperative that you call the shots!